Sneeze: 1 – Intestines: 0

todayJune 11, 2024 3

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As far as fears go, I’m pretty chill.

I have the “That would sufficiently ruin my day” fears, but yeesh!!! A brand-new fear has been unlocked!!! 

A 63-year-old unnamed man in Florida, was out and about, enjoying breakfast with his wife.

He had battled prostate cancer and recently underwent abdominal surgery. Breakfast with his wife was a small way to celebrate his clean bill of health!

During breakfast, he forcefully sneezed (we all know how older men sneeze) when he felt a wet sensation, as well as pain in his lower abdomen.

I’ll be honest, my initial thought was perhaps he had an “accident.” One a person would rush off to the bathroom for.

2 problems with that: 

  1. The pain wasn’t THAT low in his abdomen. 
  1. It was not in the lower back, but more right in front of him.

He looked down to his stomach, and noticed several pinkish loops of intestines just in his lap!

Turns out, he did not order some exotic dish and had accidentally messed in his lap.

His crazy dad sneeze, had caused his stitches from his recent operation, to burst, and like the worst kind of confetti cannon, his innards, became “out-ards!” 

(Something like this)

So… what do you do in this situation? Well, as far as any life advice you could receive from anyone, I doubt “What to do when you sneeze your guts out” will come up often!

So, he calmly covered his intestines with his shirt, had someone call an ambulance, and waited patiently.

FORTUNATELY, aside from the gaping hole in his body, nothing else was wrong!

3 surgeons double checked all the guts and what not, and like Build-a-Bear, they stuffed it all back inside, and sewed him up!

That’s ONE way to get out of paying your bill at a restaurant!

Written by: Jacques

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