Roach milk… The next big thing!?

I’m not big on dairy… I have no issue with milk, or cheese…  

It just seems that genetically while I can consume a bathtub full of chili, and come out the other end (pun intended) relatively unscathed, dairy, even a small tub of yoghurt or a bit of milk in my old man tea late at night, leaves me feeling… bloated. 

There are milk alternatives, and I’ve tried them.  

• Lacto free milk or whatever it’s called? Not for me. It’s like the water after you’ve cleaned your paintbrushes… 

• Oat milk? I’d rather ring out the bottom of my jeans after I’ve run through sewage and drink that instead… 

• Almond milk? OK fair enough, I kind of don’t hate it. Works well with cereal… 

But ultimately, for my fragile little digestive system, a great alternative does not exist…  

Until now maybe!? 

Scientists have discovered another animal, one I honestly did not know produces milk, has milk that is in fact 4 times more nutritious than that of a cow, effectively making it a super food.  

What they don’t mention, as a plus to this animal, is it’s size… your average cow comes in at what, half a ton? This animal comes in at maybe 10 grams… 

These Scientists have discovered that cockroach milk is the way to go!!! 

Research from the Institute of Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine in India focused on the Pacific beetle cockroach, the only cockroach species that gives birth to live young and produces a protein-rich milk-like substance.  

• Pacific beetle cockroach (Diploptera punctata)

This milk contains essential amino acids, fats, and sugars, providing a slow-release, high-energy food source.  

Now… 2 problems with this: 

• How would you position a small cockroach to get a milk bucket underneath it? 

• If you got the bucket under it, I wouldn’t even know where to start looking for the nipples on a cockroach…  

So instead, these scientists are exploring ways to mass-produce the roach milk nutrients synthetically.  

If successful, it could become a sustainable alternative to traditional dairy products, especially in a world seeking high-protein, eco-friendly food options. 

And I can 100% get behind that… once I have put the idea that in essence, fundamentally, I would be breast feeding from a cockroach…